Hey Jess. Id be delighted to give you feedback on your coffee bit. I really relate hard to it and I love your stage presence.
I teach comedy for a living so strap in you're getting the deluxe service!
It takes a while to get going, your first big laugh is for "Ahhh" and I wasn't timing but that feels like a minute in. You can scrap all the preamble. If it doesn't setup a joke, or isn't itself a joke it can go.
I think you could start with your fussy order, and really go to town on that part. You can play to people's intelligence, we know about fussy orders so you don't need to set it up.
"So I'm ordering coffee, something simple and plain... A half caff nananana.. really low maintenance. Everyone loves me at Starbucks 'OMG it's [whatever your order is] girl! I love her! Let me serve her, no you served her yesterday it's my turn! It's like you think she's going to order a basic white girl drink but then she adds the caramel and your like wow, what a sophisticated unique unicorn, she's probably a poet. Or a philosopher. I bet she can hold a plank for 3 minutes... I bet she.... " (I'm just brain dumping here)
You get a big laugh for the AHH but don't tell us why that's funny. Why is that funny? "AHHH this is $12 I could have spent on medicine" tags! Tags! And then forgetting about it until tomorrow is good too. Stay in the world? What if you did that with a gormet meal, kids or other things?
Ooh thanks for all this! I love the idea of the baristas fighting to take my order. Maybe even to near death :-) Caroline, thanks so much for sharing your joke crafting chops… post a joke you’re working on if you’re feeling extra… well, extra.
Hey Jess. Id be delighted to give you feedback on your coffee bit. I really relate hard to it and I love your stage presence.
I teach comedy for a living so strap in you're getting the deluxe service!
It takes a while to get going, your first big laugh is for "Ahhh" and I wasn't timing but that feels like a minute in. You can scrap all the preamble. If it doesn't setup a joke, or isn't itself a joke it can go.
I think you could start with your fussy order, and really go to town on that part. You can play to people's intelligence, we know about fussy orders so you don't need to set it up.
"So I'm ordering coffee, something simple and plain... A half caff nananana.. really low maintenance. Everyone loves me at Starbucks 'OMG it's [whatever your order is] girl! I love her! Let me serve her, no you served her yesterday it's my turn! It's like you think she's going to order a basic white girl drink but then she adds the caramel and your like wow, what a sophisticated unique unicorn, she's probably a poet. Or a philosopher. I bet she can hold a plank for 3 minutes... I bet she.... " (I'm just brain dumping here)
You get a big laugh for the AHH but don't tell us why that's funny. Why is that funny? "AHHH this is $12 I could have spent on medicine" tags! Tags! And then forgetting about it until tomorrow is good too. Stay in the world? What if you did that with a gormet meal, kids or other things?
Ooh thanks for all this! I love the idea of the baristas fighting to take my order. Maybe even to near death :-) Caroline, thanks so much for sharing your joke crafting chops… post a joke you’re working on if you’re feeling extra… well, extra.